Author: nanimov

It’s funny how some days can seem to have a very heavy theme associated with them; almost like in a PBS special, and at the end some gentle-voiced narrator recaps the lesson of the day for an impressionable audience. Today’s them was work (not force x distance)

Early this afternoon I was in the car with my sister. We on our way back to the house after a writing/ working/ reading sesh at the her go-to coffee shop. Both of us are kinda socially awkward and so we have our moments of prolonged silence especially when it’s just the two of us in the car. I don’t mind it though (maybe that’s why we’re awkward). As we’re passing the only stretch of houses on the route that looks ready for Halloween (though based on crooked trees and flaking paint on the walls, something tells me they’re always partially ready) she asks me, “Do you like your job?”

It’s a reasonable question. I went from working with kids and tourists in an awesome science museum to reading and writing about viruses. From the outside it may seem that the answer is obvious; that relative to my previous job, my current one sucks. But I actually love my current job.*

While I do miss working at the museum, interacting with kids, and showing people cool science stuff, I felt like I had reached my limit there. I loved it while it lasted, but I was ready to move on. There was little to no opportunity for advancement there, at least that I would be compensated for. I didn’t feel indispensable (a la Linchpin by Seth Godin); in my role I could easily be replaced by any other cog and daily operation would function the same. Personally, I thought I added value and brought things to the table that no one else could, but in the end I don’t think value fully aligned with the mission of the organization. I hope it doesn’t sound like there was any bad blood on my departure. I love MOXI and everything I’ve learned and gained in my time there, and I wholeheartedly support their mission, I was just on a different trajectory. Like two lines that intersect for a moment then move apart indefinitely.

….We’re still talking about jobs right?

Ahem yes, so that’s kinda what I told my sister. In the Child Life class I took, I continued, we learned about flow, a state of focus and stimulation that also gives us a sense of satisfaction in our activities. If the activity is too simple we get bored. Too difficult and we get discouraged and frustrated. Flow is that sweet spot where we feel just challenged enough to feel like we’re making meaningful progress (in whatever form that may be).

My job is full of flow. I’m constantly learning and making progress for my future career as a physician. I have the autonomy to problem-solve my own way and pursue projects that I’m interested in. If I don’t understand something, I feel comfortable learning the necessary background knowledge on my own, and coming back to it. I’m not bored, nor am I frustrated. Sometimes I lose track of time because I get so deep into my work.

Beyond that my current job comes with plenty of perks (one being that I can work remotely), but that of course is secondary 😉

I don’t get those special interactions that I did in my job at the museum (though even that could get tiresome at times), but I’m at a place where I feel comfortable enough in my human interaction/ engagement skills that I can take break.

Then we talked about her job and about what flow looks like there and the role of human interaction in all of that. It was nice.

Then later that day I got into discussions about work with a few other friends, separately. Each one highlighting a different aspect of the idea of work. Thinking back on it all, it really feels uncanny.

I’m just waiting for the director to say cut.

 

 

 

*For those who don’t know I now work for a research foundation doing mostly literature review.

I’m finishing up my first week in Roanoke. It’s been nice settling into a new environment. I’ve really missed my sister, though seeing her again after 4ish months, not much has changed. Not that I expected it too. We’ve been apart for longer periods of time than this.

Roanoke is a nice place. It’s quiet and very green. The roads look like they are just paved over trails (which many of them probably are) unlike the aligned and gridded suburbs that I’m used to. The houses that populate the hills are almost exactly what I think of when I think east coast. Some are entirely made of brick. Some have wooden panels along the side with the paint chipping off and a big ol’ butt sticking out the back either dropping down the side of the hill or being held up by stilts.

I finally got to meet my feline niece, Yue. She a spoiled ham, but very cute. She is not shy at all and likes to jump right by my face. At night, if I leave the door open she will come in a cuddle up for little, but more often I wake to her staring right at me. I also realized she likes coming into my room to steal fluffs from a hole in the bottom of my bed, so I don’t let her in any more, I need to find some duct tape.

It’s been fun seeing my sister and Micah doing the whole married life. Though it’s about what I expected. It suits them… though I feel like it has for a while now.

Ate and I went to see the world’s largest man-made star today, which apparently resides in Roanoke. It was big. Not too much else to say about it. The weather was exactly what I was hoping for. Brisk and crisp. Breathing in, I could feel like cold air fill my lungs, and being surrounded by all those trees you know it’s well oxygenated. Afterwards we went to a little zoo up on the same mountain, which was expectedly small, but had some surprisingly exotic animals… and racoons.

We’re heading to New York this weekend. Should be an exciting trip; I’ve got some fun stuff lined up. I’ll tell you all about it next time.

The world of subjective taste is full of pretentiousness. For some reason people think there is an objective standard to personal opinion. If you’re personal opinion doesn’t match mine then you are a degenerate. That’s poppycock! Interestingly, while personal opinions are not objective, their existence in a way is objective. If I like eating Quesoritos from Taco Bell or Beef ‘n Cheddar sandwiches from Arby’s that’s just the way it is (in fact you could even argue that in many ways I’m biologically programmed to like it). You can’t declare pineapples don’t belong on pizza just because you don’t like it (shut up Gordon Ramsay). You can’t say country music sucks just because it’s not your cup o’ tea.

Indeed there are objective measure by we can assess matters of taste. With food you can talk about the balance of flavors, chemical composition, and nutritional value. With music, you can talk about rhythms and patterns, chords and dynamics. These are quantifiable aspects that we can use describe what we like about something and explain why we think that is good. But in the end, much of our taste depends on our experience and on culture, which is pretty much impossible to quantify.

So go ahead and enjoy the things you enjoy, and let others do the same.

And if you’re not happy with that then know that in the long term the “good stuff” will prevail, just hope you’re on the right side of history.

If you think about it, everything that ever happens, anywhere, at any time, is based on chance. All the interactions going on in our bodies that keep us alive have some component of randomness to them. Yet all of it is extremely reliable, not because we are all constantly winning some type of biological lottery, but because the environment in our body (through years and years of evolution) is set-up to make those interaction more favorable.

So it is in our day to day experience. We can’t necessarily change the rules or guarantee a specific outcome, but we can increase the odds in our favor. Sometimes that means doing a little more research, practicing a little harder, going a little further. Eventually, winning that lottery doesn’t seem so impossible; in fact it becomes the statistically probable outcome (except for the actual lottery, no way to increase your chances on that, sorry).

I finished Stiff the other day. The book, especially the last 2 chapters really make me think about what to do with my (or with anyone’s [not in a murdery type of of way]) body after I die. Organ donation is a given, but what about the rest?

The author Mary Roach went on some pretty interesting journey’s talking to some pretty unique people. She met with the creator of a novel funerary practice of freezing bodies in liquid nitrogen, breaking the frozen bodies down with ultrasound, freeze drying them and then using them to supply nutrients say a young apple tree.

Yes, basically composting of humans. Roach mentions that this idea isn’t exactly new, but this process is, and a efficient, expedient, and pretty dignified (in my opinion) one at that. To some it may sound brutal, impersonal, and perhaps disrespectful, and I now there is a existential and/ or theological conversation to be had here, but how is it worse than traditional burial or cremation.

Naturally decaying bodies aren’t pretty and I imagine burning ones aren’t better.

Cemeteries take up land that could be used for better things and cremation is just a wasteful (in both energy used and energy lost).

The freeze/dry/plant method is quick and clean. Plus the end result is a beautiful tree made from some of the same molecules as your loved one that is a living memorial and could live (and contribute to) several human lifetimes. Something to think about.

Animes are so cheesy. Today I watched the last episode of Demon Slayer (Kimetsu no Yaiba). The main character, Tanjiro, is leaving for a mission with his two comrades after intense training and recovery. While saying his goodbyes, one of the girls (about his age) who helped him train and recover admits to him that she’s a coward for choosing* not to go out on missions (killing demons).

Tanjiro tells her that doesn’t matter and that because of their time together she’s is now  a part of him, and that he is carrying her emotions with him into battle.**

Anime protagonists are (often) so pure and good, even at times to a fault, at least in our eyes. They hold on tightly to their ideals, yet they are open-minded and humble. They aren’t infallible, but they never give up. They are people we wish we could be. And for all their cheesiness, that’s what I love about a lot of animes. It takes things we wish we could do or say or be and puts it to story.

If I said the equivalent what Tanjiro said to someone in person it would probably come of weird and creepy, or worse the person would think I’m coming on to them. But there are a lot of times when I wish I could say cheesy phrases in earnest and not be socially condemned, so anime is a good outlet for that.

And to all the people who I’ve met in my life, no matter how brief or for what reason, you’re a part of me now, and I think that’s pretty cool.

 

*I’m not sure if that’s the case, but based on context it seems that way.

**I’m curious if this is the truest translation

There was a common theme throughout today of indecisiveness. This morning I found a stinkbug in my room and I contemplated at length whether to kill it or catch-and-release it. Both of which had the possibility, I thought, of ending in a pungent mess. When I told my sister about the dilemma she seemed to understand, but before I came to a decision she had already packed the offensive lil guy into a bag of similarly offensive cat poop.

Later we were watching an episode of Avatar, the one where Sokka goes with Zuko to save his dad from the Boiling Rock, and is confronted with the consequences of his own decision-making and lack thereof.

Just moments ago, despite having a several to choose from, I sat for 10 mins deciding what to right about. I feel like I write about my indecisiveness and my thought paralysis often, but this is just another reminder for me that while being intentional and careful is important, actually acting is just as if not more important. One of these days I’ll get it.

I’m reading this book right now titled Stiff by Mary Roach. And no you sickos it’s not about male anatomical structures, you think someone really added it to their Amazon Smile cart just based on the titled, only to be surprised when it arrived a Prime-guaranteed two days later, and it turned out to be about dead bodies… really??? Anyway regardless of how I heard about it and how it came into my possession, it’s quite fascinating and also very funny. Roach is not a scientist or a doctor so she is reacting to all these corpses (that she actively seeks out for the book) in much the same way a normal person would. One of the differences being that she is a good writer. She often anthropomorphises the, forgive my irreverence, vacant meat sacks in comical ways, as a person is wont to do when they are not as desensitized to the process of biological decay as are many of the professionals that she encounters.

I could tell you all the stuff I’ve learned from it and all the interesting experiences that she details, but you should just read it yourself. What I do want to say is that reading this book makes me even more excited to start med school. Is that weird? And while I’ve recently been  strongly leaning towards primary care, some of this stuff definitely makes surgery super compelling. There are time I feel like I’m a low-key psychopath for various reasons (e.g. I was the only one who asked to personally pithe one of the frogs in my physiology lab), but I also think that there is a chance I’ll faint when confronted with my first cadaver.

The world is becoming increasingly fast paced. Maybe it’s just me, but sometimes I feel like I always need to be doing something (even if that something isn’t super productive). It’s a symptom of the culture we live in and the technology that surrounds us. Arguably its a symptom of being human; technology shapes the culture which feeds off our human tendencies. Filling time with stuff seems necessary, because if I’m not doing, I’m wasting time. At least, this is what I seem to tell myself. But productivity isn’t measured in actions-per-minute. Quantity comes secondary to quality.

The past few days I’ve been trying to take more time to pause and reflect on each day. In the mornings I think about things I want to accomplish, and in the evening I try to recall things I’ve learned and things that I am grateful for that day. This has not only helped me feel better, but also be more productive with my time. It’s important to keep moving forward, but just as important is knowing where you’re going and remembering where you’ve been.

 

Three things am grateful for today: new friends, music, and group video calls