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0900-0930: Zoom Orientation
0930-1030: Electronic Medical Record Orientation
1100-1130: Badge Pick-up
Clinic PM

Those were essentially the instructions I was given today (with some details omitted). I wasn’t sure exactly what time I was supposed to show up to clinic nor did I know how long I was supposed to be there. All I knew was “PM.” I assumed that meant after a lunch hour from 1200-1300, but I just headed to the clinic ASAP after grabbing my badge (and after scarfing down a pad thai). I got to the clinic right around 1200 hundred and turns out everyone was indeed out on lunch break and my attending would be back at 1300. So, I decided to use the rest of the hour to check out what is around this even smaller town adjacent to were I’m currently staying. I found a cute little coffee shop, met a barista who just moved back to the area from LA, sat down with an iced americano and listed to my OB/GYN podcast.

I was a little anxious to meet my attending because I was told earlier that day by someone who works with him that she affectionately calls him Dr. Grumpy. But I was also excited because most everyone I’ve talked to who has something to say about him said he was a good teacher.

I got back to the clinic a little before 1:00 to make sure I wasn’t late and hopefully get there before my attending, which I did. I sat in the waiting room and chatted a bit with an LVN and MA there to get a quick crash course on the operations of the break room. Everything in the middle of the table is up for grabs, got it. Just as I was about to grab a slice of communal pizza, a new MA came to the doorway and told me that my attending was back at the clinic. I wiped the trail of saliva from my chin, re-dawned my mask and followed the MA to meet the man who would decide my fate for this rotation.

First impression confirmed some of my fears. He kinda took a look at me, sizing me up, and read my name badge with minimal enthusiasm, “Victoria”

“Yes, Ni—”

“What are you?” He paused for an answer. I assumed he was asking about my ethnicity, “Flip?*”

“Yup” I chuckled.

“Your last name gives it away.”

I agreed.

He went on to ask if I had any interest in the field, and I told him I was keeping an open mind, which he may have thought was a bullshit answer (which is reasonable, since I’m guessing a lot of students who come through say that and don’t really mean it just ’cause they want to make a good [ok neutral] first impression), and said that he’s not going to make me do anything I don’t want to do. That some students come through just to get through the rotation and that’s it. I told him that I would try to take advantage of this opportunity as much as possible, but he didn’t seem convinced.

We started seeing patients and I quickly started getting a feel for the flow of the clinic. It was fast, but systematic and organized. By the second patient he was already expecting me to measure fundal heights and measure fetal heart rates without being told. Greet patient, gloves, fundal height, doppler, paper towel, help patient up, deglove. Attending talks to patient, yadda yadda (important yaddas), send the patient on her way, little charting, pull up next chart, see next patient.

I thought overall it was a good way to start the rotation. I got to see a variety of stuff (though mostly OB), was able to get a bit more comfortable with the whole situation, and I felt like I was doing something as part of the team, as basic as it was.

As the day went on, it definitely felt like my attending was warming up to me… or maybe I was just getting used to his sense of humor. We bonded over his recent trip to my hometown, and I answered a couple pimping questions right (and some wrong) which probably helped. He opened up an email I sent the day before in which I said I was excited for this rotation in Visalia. “You have low standards,” he teased.

“I’m from Santa Barbara, LA is too busy for me,” which he seemed satisfied with. I liked working with him though, and it seemed like he had a strong rapport with all of his patients.

The afternoon flew by, and I got sent home with some homework to learn some stuff that he’s going ask me about tomorrow. I’m still holding out hope though that I’m gonna get a call about a delivery before then.

Back at home I made a mushroom, tomato, salad, quesadilla and started on some of that homework. I washed up then went out to a nearby park for a quick workout while listening to more of the podcast. Came back, made a quick pork and beans, and mushroom and tomato dinner (I had a lot of leftover stuff from a barbeque I hosted over the weekend) and did a bit more studying.

Tomorrow is going to be my first full day. I’m not really sure what I expected coming into this rotation, but so far I’m having a blast and I’m looking forward to what tomorrow brings.

*If you look up flip in Urban Dictionary it’ll tell you it’s derogatory/ a slur. I’ve never known it to be used in this way, nor has any Filipino I’ve talked to about it. Just thought I’d make that clear before anyone gets up in arms about it.

Maybe it’s me. I had another hiccup today. Apparently, my orientation with the school today was supposed to be in-person. I was supposed to attend hands-on workshop training, which in hindsight obviously could only be done in-person, and then move out here later today. Part of me wanted to believe that those of us placed outside of the LA area (which is only really myself and maybe one or two others for this rotation) would either for some reason be exempted from the workshop parts and part of me just was again over-eager to come out here and begin my first real clinical experience (and leave LA). In conjunction with feeling rushed about only being given moving information 3 days (I guess 4) prior to when I was supposed to move and also being given a Zoom link for a later portion of the orientation, there were just a lot of moving parts.

Enough excuses though. I could have been more diligent with checking the information and verifying with the appropriate staff that my understanding of the situation was correct (I’m seeing a pattern here). However, one of the MDs in charge of this clerkship was lovely enough to stay on Zoom with me for a little bit after the part I was able to attend to give me a quick run-down of the stuff they covered in the morning.

But enough about my inadequacy. Later on, I went out to get a haircut so I don’t look like a Survivor contestant going to his 34th tribal council, and right after I parked and got out of the car, I saw what I could only guess was an urban wolf trotting down the sidewalk carry the limp body of a whole-ass rooster in its mouth. Pics to come. Haircut was excellent by the way, shout out to Adan at Los Primos barbershop in Visalia.

I also went to the groceries and Target to get a knife cause the one that was already in the apartment could barely cut tomatoes and onions and made making my lunch unnecessarily hazardous.

Got back did some more studying up and then went out to dinner with my flat mate at a nearby brewery restaurant where we met this lovely older couple and just got into talking about what we were doing in the area, about LA which is where the woman grew up and lived for a long time, and some of the changes to LA and the county hospital that happened since she left.

All in all, “Day 1” was pretty good and I am all the more eager to actually start working with local staff tomorrow.

I just moved into my new home for the next 5/6 weeks in Visalia. Tomorrow is my first day of orientation with the OBY/GYN staff from the school and then on Tuesday I have orientation with the local hospital and then I head to a clinic in the afternoon.

Today was a bit of a doozy. Most of my packing was done today, but that all went pretty smoothly. The drive was nice. Very little traffic and I was able to ward off any sleepiness for the most part with little help from the Freakonomics MD podcast.

After a long drive, I arrive a bit earlier than expected, park, and grab a few easily accessible items and my little welcome packet from my carefully stuffed Honda Civic and head straight toward my assigned apartment, eager to unpack and unwind.

When I get to the door, I start pulling out items from the packet and matched them with the list stickered on the front of it. Apartment key? Check. White keycard? Check. Garage remote? Check. Key fob? Check, it was attached to the key. Mailbox key? Wait, there are supposed to be two keys? I examine the bowels of the mysterious yellow envelope further, and the only thing remaining inside was a red carabiner with a one of those ring things (those things that usually have key on them) attached to it. I remember seeing the carabiner when I first received the packet and thought it was strange that they just gave me a carabiner with nothing attached to it, but I didn’t really think anything of it. At that time, I saw a key attached to the key fob and assumed those were the important stuff, and maybe the carabiner was just for convenience.

A little confused, but slightly relieved that at least I had the apartment key, I turn over the envelope packet just to check that the other key wasn’t somehow stowed in a hidden compartment embedded in the paper. No luck. It was probably supposed to be attached to the carabiner, but it’s fine, I probably won’t even be getting mail in the short amount of time I’m here.

I try the key in the door, and the key is immediately rejected. Not a single millimeter of this key is able to be inserted into the keyhole. Puzzled and maybe a little panicked with a scary thought creeping in the back of my mind, I flip the key. No good. I then flip it back and try again ’cause I must have just missed the hole. Nope. For some reason, I then start trying all the keys from my car keys. Maybe in my excitement, maybe I immediately took the key out of the envelope the day I got the packet and put it on my car keys. How silly of me, though you’d think I’d remember that. As I work through my keys, including the specially marked key for my childhood home, that creeping thought is upgraded to a strong likelihood. I run over to the mailboxes near where I parked my car to test my hypothesis. I find the box associated with my apartment and try the key associated with the fob. It slides in smooth like butter and I am able to turn the key open the box which in turn greets me with a collection of uncollected mail from probably the last 6 months.

Ok so the key that I have is definitely for the mailbox. I call my classmate who is going to be living with me to see if he also got a carabiner. Turns out he did, except his had a key on it… and he was still in LA, a whole three hours away. Welp. I start calling numbers, kinda getting the run around from all the different numbers listed as afterhours contacts for the apartment complex.

Long story a little bit shorter, I would have to wait for my classmate to get here with this key and get new key from management on Monday (tomorrow).

I took the chance to explore the downtown a teeny bit and just see what was close by. Ended up at a bar where I was able to chill with a beer and catch up on some flashcards and practice questions from the now historical Step 1 exam. I eventually go back to the apartment and start unloading things by the door to the apartment, and my classmate shows up pretty much around my 3rd to last trip. We are able to get inside, and I finally start to get situated in the new digs.

So that’s how my day went. Not exactly how I imagined it would go, yet here we are. I don’t want to be bitter or upset about what happened, nor do I blame anyone because shit happens, and also I probably should have double checked about the empty carabiner thing. It was stressful and frustrating at times, but ultimately, I’m just glad things worked out (kind of) and at the end of the day (literally), I’m here, I’m safe, and right now I won’t let this hiccup get in the way of me making the most of my experience here. See you tomorrow (today).

When I’m old and grey, and look back on the moments of my life that truly mattered, moments that truly had an impact on the person I had become, I wonder what parts of my life now would I think about?

Would I think about the shows I was watching? The food I ate? The books I read? The exams I took? The places I went? The people I spent it with?

Will the things that I’m being told are huge, ginormous deals now (I’m looking at you Step 1, a rant on that later), turn out to be of any consequence?

The beautiful thing about this life is that — regardless of outcomes, the actions or thoughts of others, who we are born as — we get to choose the things that are important to us and invest in them. I hope at the end of my life I can say that the things I let occupy my mind and my energy, stood the test of time.

Do you remember that character from Jimmy Neutron? He was one of the villains and had a bunch of ingenious ideas but could never finish anything he started. I think about him a lot.

Time is one of the most valuable commodities we have as temporary inhabitants of this world. We devote so much thought and so many resources to saving time, including — perhaps ironically — time itself. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to save a little time here and there, I feel like I need to constantly remind myself not to stress over a little wasted time.

Getting caught at a red light or making a wrong turn, in the moment, feels like such a huge inconvenience. But does two minutes of “wasted” time have any affect at all on my final destination? Sure, I’ll have to wait a little longer to order my large fries at the McDonald’s drive through, but are the fries that come out a couple minutes later lower in quality? Maybe, but probably not. Or maybe they are actually better.

There are time-sensitive cases in which seconds or minutes makes a difference in the ultimate outcome, but even then, what’s the point in stressing about my lapse in judgement after it’s already occurred? It’s true time is one of the most precious things we have, so I should try to enjoy every minute of it, or at least not waste it on worrying about wasting it.

It’s important to make sure that our actions and our opinions are congruent with the things that we believe to be absolutely* true about the universe and/or our reality. If I live in a way that is inconsistent with my beliefs or with the values that I proclaim that makes me a hippopotamus.

Similarly, it’s important to make sure our behaviors are congruent with the persons that we are trying to become. This requires self-reflection. How do my daily habits and the activities that I dedicate my time to contribute to me getting closer to the person I hope to be in the future? Are there behaviors that can be pruned away? Are there behaviors that should be added? Then comes the honesty; do I have the will to make those changes, or is my natural instinct to avoid stress, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy stronger.

I made a post a while back about eating in silence without the distraction of a movie, TV show, music, or your phone — just eating. Now imagine just pooping; no phone, no sudoku puzzle, no woodworking magazine from 2017 that you got as part of a subscription for supporting your neighbor’s kid’s school fundraiser.

Just you, your moving bowels, the resulting excrement, and your existential dread.

Truly frightening.

There’s no such thing. You’re either qualified to do the job or you’re not. If I have the ability and skill to do a task, then I am qualified for it; if not, then I’m not. If I also happen to possess expertise in other areas or in more “sophisticated” procedures that doesn’t make me overqualified to do the other things.

But at the same time, having the qualification to do work that few others can means that more people can be helped, and more things can get done with proper delegation and efficient division of responsibilities.