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When I’m old and grey, and look back on the moments of my life that truly mattered, moments that truly had an impact on the person I had become, I wonder what parts of my life now would I think about?

Would I think about the shows I was watching? The food I ate? The books I read? The exams I took? The places I went? The people I spent it with?

Will the things that I’m being told are huge, ginormous deals now (I’m looking at you Step 1, a rant on that later), turn out to be of any consequence?

The beautiful thing about this life is that — regardless of outcomes, the actions or thoughts of others, who we are born as — we get to choose the things that are important to us and invest in them. I hope at the end of my life I can say that the things I let occupy my mind and my energy, stood the test of time.

Do you remember that character from Jimmy Neutron? He was one of the villains and had a bunch of ingenious ideas but could never finish anything he started. I think about him a lot.

Time is one of the most valuable commodities we have as temporary inhabitants of this world. We devote so much thought and so many resources to saving time, including — perhaps ironically — time itself. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to save a little time here and there, I feel like I need to constantly remind myself not to stress over a little wasted time.

Getting caught at a red light or making a wrong turn, in the moment, feels like such a huge inconvenience. But does two minutes of “wasted” time have any affect at all on my final destination? Sure, I’ll have to wait a little longer to order my large fries at the McDonald’s drive through, but are the fries that come out a couple minutes later lower in quality? Maybe, but probably not. Or maybe they are actually better.

There are time-sensitive cases in which seconds or minutes makes a difference in the ultimate outcome, but even then, what’s the point in stressing about my lapse in judgement after it’s already occurred? It’s true time is one of the most precious things we have, so I should try to enjoy every minute of it, or at least not waste it on worrying about wasting it.

It’s important to make sure that our actions and our opinions are congruent with the things that we believe to be absolutely* true about the universe and/or our reality. If I live in a way that is inconsistent with my beliefs or with the values that I proclaim that makes me a hippopotamus.

Similarly, it’s important to make sure our behaviors are congruent with the persons that we are trying to become. This requires self-reflection. How do my daily habits and the activities that I dedicate my time to contribute to me getting closer to the person I hope to be in the future? Are there behaviors that can be pruned away? Are there behaviors that should be added? Then comes the honesty; do I have the will to make those changes, or is my natural instinct to avoid stress, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy stronger.

I made a post a while back about eating in silence without the distraction of a movie, TV show, music, or your phone — just eating. Now imagine just pooping; no phone, no sudoku puzzle, no woodworking magazine from 2017 that you got as part of a subscription for supporting your neighbor’s kid’s school fundraiser.

Just you, your moving bowels, the resulting excrement, and your existential dread.

Truly frightening.

There’s no such thing. You’re either qualified to do the job or you’re not. If I have the ability and skill to do a task, then I am qualified for it; if not, then I’m not. If I also happen to possess expertise in other areas or in more “sophisticated” procedures that doesn’t make me overqualified to do the other things.

But at the same time, having the qualification to do work that few others can means that more people can be helped, and more things can get done with proper delegation and efficient division of responsibilities.

This is just a reminder to myself that I don’t need to ruminate and fester in every intrusive thought and embarrassing memory that pops into my head. I don’t need to overthink the words I write and say for fear of being misunderstood or misconstrued. Shot-gunning verbs and adjectives doesn’t necessarily make my point any more clear or relatable. Lying in bed thinking about all the stuff I need to do today, and other miscellaneous shit doesn’t bring me any closer to getting them done.

But also, when you fall into those traps, don’t beat yourself up. Just move forward — lovingly and with gratitude.

When doing any type of resistance training, the eccentric part of any motion, aka the negative, is well-known to be overlooked, despite decent evidence that it may be even more effective than concentric exercise for building strength and mass. People just like to pump out reps because it’s flashy, it’s an easy way to track progress and you don’t have to think too hard about where your strength may be lacking.

This applies to studying as well, though I’m not sure if there already exists language to talk about studying in these terms. Flashcards are like the concentric exercise of studying. You pump out quick answers without giving to much thought as to how you got to the answer, or to why you maybe gave an incorrect answer; you simply move on to the next card and try to remember the correct answer for next time. It helps me recall facts, but often more so out of pattern recognition than actual understanding. While I do think flashcards are valuable for rote memorization and have potential for effective study (if you slow down), as a concept aren’t conducive to taking advantage of the “negatives” and thus present a real missed opportunity for brain gains.

Case-based practice questions on the other hand provide do a meaningful opportunity to address the negatives. In order to choose an answer to a multiple-choice question you have to make a case as to why one answer choice is better than the others and why the other choices are wrong. When you get a question wrong you all of a sudden have content from at least 2 topics you can review, the correct answer and your answer choice.

Our education system has ingrained in us this crippling fear of multiple-choice questions, or any situation in which we feel like we are being tested or graded. Any situation that puts our pride on the line fills us with anxiety and dread, so we gravitate towards situations in which we don’t have to sit with that anxiety or confront our own deficits for too long. If I choose that path, what will I have to show for it?

“Remind yourself that when you die, your ‘in basket’ won’t be empty.”

This is an idea from Richard Carlson’s Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff that I consistently come back to. In part because I think it’s a valuable idea to keep in mind… and also Mom always reminds me when I tell her I can’t come home because I have stuff to do for school.

I’ve written about this quote before, but my understanding of it and my perspective on it has changed over the years since first being introduced. It’s true the list of things to be done is never-ending, and in recognition of that I need to make time for the things that make life worth living. Sometimes though, some of the things that make life worth living are also in that basket. They may be tedious, time-consuming, and frustrating at times, but ultimately, they also give me purpose and a sense of fulfillment.

Carlson writes from a perspective that the in-basket things are those that we have to do. He is cautioning against the mindset that peace is found at the bottom of that basket, which is a valid warning. But what if the items in the basket are things I want to do or get to do? Surely Dr. Carlson would have no qualms with my savoring those right?

As an example, these days I have in my basket to go through 100 practice questions for my upcoming board exam every day. This experience has been… humbling to say the least, but as frustrated as I may get or as pitiful as I may feel at times, the experience also motivates me to move forward and gives me a vision for where I want to be. Sometimes I read the question and know exactly what’s going on. Other (most) times I go full deer-in-the-headlights, and only after (getting it wrong and then) reading the explanation am I able to piece it together and understand where my deficits are. I think, Damn, one day I may be able to just know this stuff, wouldn’t that be cool.

That vision is what I’m working towards, and the basket feels a little lighter when my eyes are fixed.