We changed things up a bit today thanks to the new schedule we received yesterday. Today I was on an ED/ consult service. It was a pretty sobering experience. There were a lot of suicide attempts, and a lot of young suicide attempts. On top of that I felt like my attending was kinda numb to it all, which I suppose in some ways I guess you have to be. It seemed like he was kinda numb to everything. The suicide, the psychosis, the volatility. I was mostly shadowing today and there were several times throughout the day were I felt like I should say something almost on behalf of the patient or out of my own guilt, but I held my tongue because who the fuck am I.
I also got pimped a lot on pharmacology which is one of my absolute worst subjects, which is saying something. I’m pretty sure I got every question wrong. Definitely the swift kick in the butt I needed to gear up a bit more (also I had the option yesterday to stay with the very chill attending that I was with the first 2 days).
Even though in terms of net experience today my needle moved further away from psychiatry, I will say I found a lot of value in talking to patients on my own and something I look forward to doing more of.