I’ve been slacking quite a bit these past few weeks. I don’t really have a good reason. Writing something every day isn’t hard, writing something good every day can be. But I’m not trying to write good (get it?), I’m just trying to write. Writing is free, it just requires a time investment, but even the size of that investment is totally up to me. What holds me back is either me getting caught up with something else and I forget, or I can’t think of something to write. Or a lot of times I can think of something to write, but as I write it or as I think about it, I realize how vulnerable I would make myself by publishing it. Sometimes I don’t even want to go back and proofread because I think I’ll chicken out as I reread it. Not many people read this, but the ones that I know who do, I consider pretty close to me. Even though those people may know a lot about me already, there some things that I struggle to say outloud or even type out. Telling someone what I believe or how I feel is a risk. There no way to predict another person’s reaction perfectly. What if what I say jeopardizes that relationship?
I consider myself a pretty understanding, empathetic, and open-minded person, so if someone comes at me with an opposing viewpoint I feel like I would try to make them feel heard, even if I don’t agree with them in the end. The thing is I don’t think most people are like that. I’m not trying to be self-righteous, that’s just what I’ve experienced. Many people are willing to be heard (they love that shit), but not many are as willing to listen.
I want this to be a space where I can voice my opinions and thoughts, and if people want to have a real discussion about it they should engage with me. It’s uncomfortable to bring beliefs out in the open, and it’s uncomfortable to have those beliefs be challenged, but that’s the only way we can move towards understanding and truth.