Talking about change or asking people to change can be a sensitive issue. Everyone behaves the way they do for a reason, usually based on their life experiences or their values (with a few notable exceptions). I can’t speak for everyone (though experience tells me humans are more alike than we think) but I know if someone directly asks me to change in some way I feel like a part of myself is being rejected. I’m sure that’s not the intention of the other person, but that’s how it can feel.
Being open to change requires vision. Vision to see possible alternatives. I have to be humble enough to believe there is a better way. I have to realize that the suggestion of change (even if ill-advised) in not a rejection of who I am, but a belief in my potential. At least that’s how I should try to see it. That said no matter how receptive to feedback I get, there’s always that little voice whispering the worst. The goal isn’t to get that voice to shut up, its being able to tell the voice why it’s wrong.
2 thoughts on “Re: Resistance”
Life experience most definitely has a large say in how we view the world. I like your thought there about taking change as potential instead of rejection. It’s a good mindset to take and view to adopt, but i feel it can clash in a misalignment of perceived intentions. We often judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions, which can lead to some serious misperceptions and unfortunate consequences. Being clear is the best way to combat this I’d argue. It may even be in some cases there was never an actual misalignment to begin with and it’s been a muddy conversation with a couple of missteps. Regardless, change is good and should be encouraged. I know I want to keep changing, be it for better or for worse, hopefully better, and have been trying to keep moving towards it. Hope all is well.
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I wholeheartedly agree with you, intent and impact can often be misaligned. Though perhaps I’m misunderstanding what you’re saying or maybe I wasn’t clear. I don’t think we should ever assume harmful intent by others, but I don’t think any harm can come from assuming good intentions from others (unless there’s a pattern of assuming the best of someone who clearly or consistently demonstrates bad intentions). Ultimately though, you’re right, effective communication is always a good place to fall back on. Cheers!