30

Entering 2026 after having now completed my 30th lap around the Sun, I feel like I ought to have things figured out by now. That’s 30 years of experiences, 30 years of mistakes, 30 years of lesson that I should have learned. But to be honest I don’t feel all that different than I did 5, 10, or even 20 years ago (at least from what I remember). I still carry with me a lot of the same insecurities. I still have a lot of social anxiety. I still fall pray to bad habits. I am still afraid of making mistakes, and I still do make mistakes.

What has changed is how I’ve learned to deal with these feelings and these fears. I’ve learned to give myself a bit more grace and I’ve come to some understanding of why I am the way I am (some bits in more depth than other bits). I’ve learned that overcoming these things isn’t a one-time battle, but a lifelong struggle. I don’t feel different because I am a work in progress, constantly growing and changing, hopefully for the better.

There is a lot going on in the world right now, especially as of this writing on January 3rd, 2026. But I wanted to make sure I took a second to reflect on my own headspace before I go out and concern myself with others and with the world. Am I where 5-year-old Niko thought he would be at 30 years old? I don’t think so (though to be fair 5-year-old Niko had a lot of crazy ideas). Would I go back and change things if I could? I think it’s a worthless exercise. I’m a product of my choice and my decisions, and I’m content with who I am today. I of course still have room for growth, but chasing that potential in balance with an appreciation for the present moment is one of the beautiful challenges of this life.