I was able to actively participate during a code today for the first time today (I know it only took all of Med School). It was pretty different from all the Mock and Sim codes I’ve done or the BLS/ ACLS training I’ve done, but understandable so. I was recruited to do chest compressions, though I wasn’t the first one so I didn’t experience the rib cracking. It was a bit more tiring than the Mock codes I’ve done and definitely a lot scarier with an actual life on the line. The defibrillator/ heart monitor wasn’t hooked up correctly at first or didn’t have good contact or something based on the signal, so it kept saying “push harder” which definitely added to the stress. It hard to maintain a steady pace without actively thinking about my rate. And at the same time I was trying to listen to everything else going on so I could learn. It was only 3 minutes but it felt like a long time and a short time at the same time. After my round of compressions we checked a rhythm and got a pulse (or as we say return of spontaneous circulation or ROSC). Was it my excellent compressions or was it the meds he was getting who’s to say??? Let’s just say it’s good we were in a room full of seasoned professionals.
At the end I wasn’t sure how I felt, or how I thought I was supposed to feel. I feel like there were maybe less emotions than I was expecting given this was my first real code. The only prominent emotion was excitement which feels wrong. Of course I felt bad for the patient and it is terrible that this happened, but at the same with him being sedated through the whole thing there was no emotional feedback to go off of, and everyone around me was super professional and if not stoic or in some cases kidding around with each other. So that was the emotional energy that I was feeding off of I guess. Still feels a bit weird, but only because I feel like it should. A man almost died in front of my eyes. If anything the person who was at the forefront of my mind was the patient’s mother who had constantly been at bedside and was in the room when they decided to intubate which eventually led to a code (she was out of the room when they lost the pulse thankfully). I was constantly trying to think of the right words to say to her if I were the one to tell her what was going on, what happened, or what might’ve happened if it came to that. I kept drawing blanks beside the basics and cliches, so definitely something I need to work on, and then be able to do it in Spanish.
Otherwise it was a pretty standard day, besides me coming back in from the weekend and us starting with a new attending who seems pretty badass.
nANIMOv 